𝑭𝑨𝑴𝑰𝑳𝒀 𝒐𝒓 𝑷𝑳𝑨𝑻𝑶𝑵𝑰𝑪 ‹

 

“I know when you’re lying, because your eye starts to do that weird thing.”

“You know the rules, I only give hugs to people that don’t show up drunk and puke all over my couch at 3 am.”

“I love you and all, but I don’t like you sometimes.”

“No matter how far away we are from one another, I’m always going to feel when you’re upset.”

“It’s one thing WE fight, but if anyone comes near you and tries anything remotely shitty, I’m coming over there with a baseball bat and making sure they don’t hurt you ever again.”

“You were always the favorite, but I’m still better looking and the dog is all mine.”

“Did you see ____’s face? How much work did you think____ they had done?”

“You’re so lucky, I’m an only child. You don’t know how lucky you are to have siblings to fight WITH.”

“Anytime you feel alone or scared, you come over! Forget calling… just come over.”

“There are many things I can tolerate, but if someone says they hate (pet species) they’re dead to me.”

“Who ate all the chips??!!”

“They tried to sneak out on me but I turned on the lawn sprinklers and set off the car alarm… EPIC.”

“Kill me now. They wanted to watch _____ AGAIN for the 23rd time! This is the last time I’m babysitting without earplugs.”

“Don’t worry. I have the receipts and photographic evidence. That’s argument-winning GOLD for a decade. AT LEAST.”

“Do you think it’s too much, or can I pull it off?”

“You’ve been stuck here feeling sorry for yourself for too long, we’re getting out tonight!”

“We’ve discussed it, and everyone thinks they’re super hot. But Grandma thinks you can do way, way better.”

“You’re why I don’t lend my car out to anyone.”

“Remember the time you showed up wasted at ___’s funeral? You kept asking if anyone saw Zak Bagans in the parking lot and you were using your phone like a EVP meter.”

“I never cook, because I live by myself. I’m not making a full meal for JUST me. If you come over, yeah, I’ll cook for you.”

“THAT WAS MY SHIRT! I WAS LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR IT!”

“I have 5 minutes to talk, then I have to go. I’m so, sorry!”

“You can come over later and we can pig out, get sloppy, and then you can TELL me all the details.”

“I keep forgetting what a little brat you were. You gave me HELL.”

“I’m going out! Need anything? Don’t say______ again.”

“I was just remembering that time you embarrassed yourself by______ in front of my (brother/sister) MAN you had such a HUGE crush on them, it was hilarious.”

“I’m saving all of dad’s crappy jokes for posterity. I figure I can sell it as: ‘Ramblings of a Man That Thinks He’s Hilarious: An Epic Embarrassment, PT 1.’”

“Come on. Get in the blanket fort.”

“There’s no one I trust like you. Everyone else is fake and would lose me in a minute.”

“No matter what anyone says about us, we’re blood. Even if we hate each other at times, it’s us against the world.”

“Let’s adopt a (pet species)… I’ve done all the research, it’ll be so worth it.”

“Is: ‘APT3BUY$ASS’ considered an act of war on them? Because it’s too late, I already changed our WIFI address to that.”